Trippen, that was one of the most helpful responses that I have received on this site. Thank you.

I do want to say though that I don't go willy nilly for just anyone! I'm a beautiful girl and I get a lot of attention.

"My personal issue (besides bpd) in my relationship? Is that I get so wrapped up in my own needs, how to get them met (in a non needy way) how to communicate what I'm experiencing without seeming off putting, that I barely stop to notice exactly HOW my behavior may be conflicting toward HIS needs in our relationship."

That sounds JUST like me. I felt bad the last night we spent together. I was going off on how I felt that he thought that my personality type was wrong (I think he wants me to be a B, when I'm an A) and when I go off, I can get very fast and passionate with is "intimidating" to others. He asked if I even wanted him here and I immediately felt awful and apologized and changed my tune.

I think that he and I have a very different idea of what a casual relationship is. He did mention "see you when I see you" once, but he came down deliberately to see me every week (which he said he would do until I moved), demanded that I visit him to, introduced me to members of his family, called us a relationship, said that I would be his gf if he wasn't leaving, took me on dates all of the time, said he wasn't going to disappear, wanted to make me happy, was giving me a camera to take overseas, and planned to Skype with me when I landed. These are all things that HE set up.

I think that he thinks that a casual relationship means that e gets to call all of the shots and completely ignore me when he feels like it. I think that a casual relationship means that we can take it slow, but that communication, respect, and consideration is still a must.

I also think that we view "adulthood" differently. I think that he thinks that it is all about finding more about yourself (which is important) and expecting others to unapologetically accommodate to that. I think he thinks that you only have to accommodate to others when you knock a woman up. Which is sad. He is 6 years my senior. I feel sorry for him.

I think that being an adult is about more than self-discovery. It is about understanding that you share this planet with others and that it is important to be a good citizen and to help others alongside finding what makes you happy.

I'm not unlovable. I just feel disposable in this society that has a "is it breaking, don't fix it, throw it away" ideology and knowing that there are plenty of women who will settle. I fear that all of the good ones will be gone by the time that I can settle down. I still have a year long contract in China and two degrees to earn. I want companionship later and during these intervals (though I don't need it constantly), but everyone is pairing off now :/