Quote:
Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot
When I was first diagnosed with BPD, I went into a great depression. I had an earlier blow of being diagnosed with Cyclothymia 3 months earlier. I've always suffered with panic and insomnia. How could I lead a normal life?
But, I've done OK.
BPD scared me because the people that I've known with it are so mean and manipulative and whatnot.
But, I've accepted that I manifest this illness differently. I'm not mean. I do not call people names and do not cheat and do a lot of good things for others.
So, I've gotten over the fear that I am a shithead. However, my mean BPD friends all have successful relationships and I don't.
So that's my new fear. I don't have it in me to guilt or manipulate anyone into loving me.
So, who will? I'm difficult. No one cares about the good in me.
I feel like I'm going to be misunderstood forever. I feel unlovable. I'm willing to try to get over this, but I don't want to be always alone.
What can I do? If I tell anyone about it, they will judge me. Or not get it. I'm stuck.
The only solution that I have is to travel the world, build my career, volunteer for organizations, and cry in my free time.
It isn't an enjoyable life. Why can't anyone like me?  |
i would guess it depends on the situation, as a guy with bpd for me it defenitely feels worse, i'm a total pushover and waay too nice. but i can't help it because i want to be loved so bad.it's awful, i try to do everything right, buy flowers, take them out to dinner, don't cheat just want lots of love and affection. maybe i'm too needy, but i always have put 250% into my relationships and get about 30% back in return, seems like i go straight from zero to idealization, in return i get verbally abused, they take my money or cheat on me. straight to devaluation and hatred then i leave.i put up with it for years because i hate being lonely so bad, so i put up with the abuse until i snap and can't take it no more, then i'm back in this same horrible boat i'm in now, sad and lonely. my brother has been married 12yrs, i can't even keep a girlfriend, so i absolutely feel your pain, i just wonder when will it ever end?
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
