I do understand, I was never loved as a child. I don't think I was good enough mother something I regret bitterly.
I should have left my abusive 'husband' many years earlier.
My son does contact me now and again, but we are not close any more. He blames me for everything.
I wish I had never been born or at the very least been born sterile so I couldn't mess up someone else's life like I obviously have done.
I think this too.