White iris - thanks for your reply. I think you are probably right about the "new" insider ...I feel like its developing or something. I have never used that terminology to describe it but thats what it feels like. And I can totally agree on the falling back on whats "familiar" too. I guess I just needed to realize that this is a life situation for me. I am not against being co-concious at all...the losing time really scares me it always did before too but I would think it probablyscares most of us with this. I have talked with my T about this. Infact one time my "system" actually sent a piece of paper with a drawing of the system. THis happened about two months ago. I was pretty surprised about it because I had no memory of sending it. My T doe snot have experience with DID clients....of course he has studied in his masters degree but never has met someone with DID. Other than that he is an excellent T. and going there is costing me nothing....which is great. He did tell me that if things started going on that he would study up on it...or bring someone else in to get involved. Sigh.......I think he needs to start getting his books to read! 8-)

T