I know, it is just another day, and it's an outdated tradition perpetuated by commercialism.

I caved in a called my T. I felt stupid for calling about such a silly thing that i really ought to be able to deal with myself. But i'm glad i did speak to her, she helped me separate out all my conflicting thoughts and emotions and see what's most important to me in this decision. There were lots of tears, because this is about me untangling from an unhealthy dynamic with my mother, it's about grieving the loss of her and it's about learning that my feelings need to come first and that i can't be responsible for other people's feelings. It's about learning to look after myself.

My therapist said she'd be there to help me as i go thru this process and there most likely will be a negative fall out from my decisions even if they are the healthy and right decision for me to make. But we'll process it in therapy. She talked about therapy being a form a re-parenting, learning how to parent myself etc. She suggested that i write a letter to my mother (not send it) and bring it in to session to process and help me in the healing process.

This stuff is such heartbreaking work.