thanks, that means a lot. I think i am getting a bit stronger sometimes. Other time i feel like a neurotic mess lol Although i'm not sure how much of it is strength and how much of it is just literally that i have no place else to go but forwards, upwards... away from what is toxic. I have this real impetus to not fester in a miserable place of self-hate, numbing depression and anxiety. If i stay where i was a few years ago, i know i'd end up dead, and i can't do that, i have people in my life to consider. And now with all this therapy i literally couldn't go back to that place, those unhealthy patterns and family dynamics, be that person if i tried.

But thinking about it, the fact i picked up the phone to my therapist and didn't just suffer in silence is a triumph in itself. 3 months ago i wouldn't have done that.