I know I have a borderline personality, or at least I think so. My parents do aswell. But I'm 17 and my psychiatrist and therapist don't like investigating personality disorders on people this young.
I have most of the traits. My emotions are intense and change so easily, I live in a state of constant anxiety, I have emotional outbursts (though I can keep them inside most of the time), I selfharm to take the feelings away, I love drugs and alcohol, I have a strong sence of right and wrong, I can be highly motivated one second and motivated to do the opposite the next , I'm severely dissociative, I do risky things for the thrill of it, and I experience complete emptyness a lot. I become obsessed with things for small periods of time, and I don't mean a bit interested, I can't talk about anything else.
In relationships, I usually shut all my feelings out. I get bored with people quickly and move on to the next one. Both friends and lovers. Probably because the couple of times I actually had real feelings for people, it got too intense. I tried to commit suicide during a fight with the first one, and I was so easy to manipulate. I glorified him. He was "perfect", despite him saying I was worthless, ignoring me unless he needed something (money, support or sex), threatening to commit suicide like once a week and treating me like I was NOTHING.
The second one, well.... I'm in love with her now. She's wonderful. She never insults me and helps me even though she's mentally ill herself. SHE is perfect. But I hate the way those feelings make me act. Suicide threats, fights over little things cause I'm sure she'll abandon me, desperate attempts to win her attention and affection even though I already have it. I try my best to stop these behaviors. They're destructive for the both of us.
Anyway, for some reason I feel a strong NEED to be diagnosed. I guess it's cause I need some sort of explaination on what's wrong with me. What do you think?

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