Thread: Difficult topic
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Old Mar 26, 2014, 07:28 PM
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AmysJourney AmysJourney is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2014
Location: USA
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I had a good session today, my therapist and I talked about this forum for a while, which I must admit bothered me a little at first but it was good after all. It's good sometimes to have her get me back to the ground by just stating the facts without emotion. And when I saw the facts, it made me see things in a more educated perspective and I knew what the best reaction to my problem was. So that was good!

Then we went on to talk about a very difficult subject for me, videos..
I have no idea how I not blanked out in the session, how I not went into my typical reaction of denial about it. I think I might be at the place right now where I can respond to this topic in an adult way. It's really strange, almost everything I experienced, I can talk about in a relatively distant way now. I can look at those things as being in the past and not here, the emotions are not as misplaced as they used to be - but this one thing almost always makes me space out. For a long time, although I knew the reality as facts, I convinced myself that it isn't true. He couldn't have possibly done such a thing!
One of my first therapist tried some kind of over the top exposure therapy with me (I was 21 then) and waved a tape in front of my eyes. I shouted at her that she was so cruel and that this wasn't one of these tapes..!
I stormed out like a child, I was ashamed and embarrassed.

So today, for the first time I was able to accept the reality and I don't even know how my therapist did it. Or was it even her? Perhaps it was me being stronger now and able to handle it? I don't know. But it feels like this was my last big hurdle that I now feel ready to tackle and I started with that today.

Well, just wanted to share.
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***Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.***
Mahatma Ghandi
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