Trippen, thank you for the thoughtful novel. it's nice of you to take so much time to write me back.

I need people to call me out on my BS. I am horrible at realizing how I come off to people, so I require people pointing it out to me. I wish that more would. I wish that my beau could have talked to me and been patient with me. I'm a rational human. But, what's done is done and I can't change him.

I'm happy that you're pointing out the reality of human relationships to me. It is discouraging though. Everything is so complex. I'm already complex enough. Having BPD makes is SO much harder. At least I can be grateful that I was diagnosed at a younger age (23). At least I've seen some progress. My moods are more stable, I don't self injure, my bulimia is at bay, the emptiness is not as frequent as it used to be, and though I question who I am a lot, my identity is fairly stable and I don't try to be what others want me to be.

I guess that it's hard to believe that I'm going to find someone because my last three dating experiences have involved one of us leaving, which stunts everything. Who wants to get involved with a leaving person.

I'm in a difficult stage of recovery right now. I used to be very good at abandoning before being abandoned. I let few in and cut people off if they did the slightest thing to irritate me. Now, I'm pushing myself to work with others and see past their flaws. I'm doing a good job, but this leads me to having to deal with actually getting abandoned now, which is not getting any easier.