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Originally Posted by Petra5ed
Touch is controversial depending on what kind of therapy the T does. If you're working with a humanist style T for example, not touching you if you asked for a hug would be a failure of therapy.
As far as I know the main case against hugs is that it could lead to sexual acting out. The main stance of T's that don't hug is a 'why risk it' kind of attitude (does this mean they're worried they can't control themselves perhaps?). It seems like these same T's are also not hugging because they're worried it could be held against them in some way if they are ever sued by a client for 'abusing the transference relationship.' They may also want to make sure they aren't leading a client on, or confusing a client, or triggering an abuse memory... strong transference causes people to sometimes interpret the smallest things as signs their T shares their feelings. Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I should know more of your story, but I'm just super ADD, LOL. It sounds like in your case, you aren't triggered by hand holding, you're not confused and don't think it's a sign the T want's to do you, and you're not worried about suddenly putting the moves on your T since she's sitting so close. I say, if it's not sexual, then it's just a Fin hug, or a hand touching a hand, what's the big deal?!! So on that note, I'm happy your T came around and saw the light, and I hope it goes well for you! Congrats and enjoy your happy moment  . |
Thank you, Petra. You're right; it's not such a big deal except for my T changing her mind about it. She wants to use touch as a technique for healing, using the SE (somatic experiencing) approach. Although it feels right for me, I'm a little wary.
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Originally Posted by growlycat
I have benefitted from a certain amount of touch in therapy, and my main T is always learning too. It does concern me that Rainbow, your T is doing an abrupt 180degrees on this. If she gradually tried new techniques I guess I'd understand. It seems like a complete turnaround of strategy---that would confuse me personally.
If it is too much too fast you have the right to let her know.
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Thanks, growly. I want to explain that my T has been doing SE for a few years, and the inclusion of touch in that type of therapy is a known fact. We did try it once, but that was the time it backfired, and holding her hands was a disaster that session also. Until then, she was fine with my holding her hand when I asked. She's always asked if she was sitting too close or too far from me, and has been willing to move her chair closer or further. We always hug at the end of the session. So touch has been a part of my therapy in some way, just not in the way we did it yesterday. But, yes it concerns me which is why I posted, and emailed my T about it.
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Originally Posted by granite1
rain I think it is great that you seem to be getting what you need from your T . I hope after this seminar she is more trained in the use of touch in therapy then she was in the past .and is more prepared for what it might bring up in you and in herself. so that she doesn't feel the need to take that away from you again. I understand the mistrust . maybe a way around this is to make her be very clear about her boundaries. I mean very clear .ask questions and leave nothing for interpretation. it is something new and could be a great thing for you if it is what you want .as long as boundaries are very and nothing is left for you to run wild with interpretations. im glad to see you are seeming to look more towards way to heal so you can not need T so much instead of ways to continue T forever
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Thank you, granite. It sounds like my T is getting more and more training in SE, and learning how to use touch safely. I'm aware that if I get triggered, it wouldn't be good for me. Holding her hand always felt safe to me, though, and still does. That's what she's looking for--signs in my body of how I feel, whether settled, calm, anxious, excited. I don't think I can hide anything from her!
Yes, I want to be able to do without T, but at the same time, I hope that she will be available as my T for as long as it works out for both of us.
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Originally Posted by monalisasmile
Rainbow  I am conflicted because in the one hand I am ecstatic that your t is allowing this again because it heals and helps you! Only you know what you need and you have been clear and concise that this is good for you, on the other hand I am worried about this pattern and it feels like t likes to have total control here and give you something and take it away again.
In a way she is recreAting the patterns of your childhood that caused this longing in you. I am trying not to be harsh and constructive but I am worried that when your t thinks that this isn't helping you again she will take it away and you will regress back to your inner child again and feel abandoned and rejected all over again
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
Thanks, mona. Yes, I understand your concerns and I have them too. I asked T and she said she is not going to change her mind, but actions speak louder than words. Part of me can't trust her about that, but then again, if I do get triggered in the wrong way, it would be a valid reason to stop. I know there's a chance I would feel abandoned and rejected but I think T and I have a strong enough, secure relationship to prevent that from happening. She thinks I'm more settled now.
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Originally Posted by jacq10
Wow, that must have been an intense/emotional session for you!
On the one hand I can see how amazing that must have felt. I've read bits and pieces of your story, and also have my own story to draw from experiences, and I know I would have been ecstatic if my T had of done that with me.
I had a past T who was fairly firm on the no-touch thing with certain clients. She said that while touch can be very helpful and healing with some people, that she had to tread carefully with those who had attachment things going on. This is what I worry about with you (and I would me too!). While it probably feels really comforting in the moment, my worry is that the expectations you have will just increase from there (naturally), and that it will become harder and harder for you to have this feeling again. Not only that, but I would imagine it could become even harder for you to internalize this feeling because you will always be searching for more. (When I say that I don't mean YOU necessarily, but people who may have attachment stuff going on).
That all being said, you're the only one who knows what goes on for you and your relationship with your T. I would just caution you to listen to your instincts, and keep very open the lines of communication with your T. And of course, keep us posted 
Kind regards,
Jacq |
I have the same concerns. Thank you for pointing them out to me. All I can say is that, for all of the time T held my hand in the past, it never triggered me. I had my fantasies about her, and some of my parts were "in love" with her, but through all of that, holding her hand was never about that. I don't think I want more of it; a little bit seems to satisfy me, unlike some of my other addictions.
I emailed my T my concerns and I will listen to my instincts. And of course I'll keep everyone here posted!