Hello everyone , I am new to this forum and I stumbled upon it hoping that maybe someone can help me understand , or have some advice on my situation right now. Ill try to be as elaborative as possible . I apologize if this gets to personal

So I am a 17 year old male turning 18 in a month. My entire life I was interested in women , I had a crush on a girl in first grade and many after that , around the age of 13 i started dating my first girlfriend . it was rocky at first but i really enjoyed her and she really enjoyed me , When we hooked up for the first time i felt butterflies and never did i struggle being attracted to her , ultimately after 3 years of dating we broke up because i found her rather boring , didn't have many hobbies , and i just wanted something new . i must admit through our relationship there was this one girl i always thought about , which i like before then.

Once i broke up with my 1st gf i started experiencing many girls , I even had a very eventful night with the crush i had while dating my ex , which ultimately ended when i tried to pursue a relationship with her , and she didnt want it ( which made me very upset) Any this is when things started getting slightly odd , I met this new girl that i had ended up being love interests in at a highschool play , we got along very well , and we evenutally started dating after a month of seeing each other , however a week or two before i asked her out i got this strange incling during a rehearsal , there was this boy there who was well dressed and very talented , he is a friend of mine now but i didnt know him that well , he helped with my vocal part for the show and one night it clicked in my head , that i could possibly be attracted to him . I had no crush on him what so ever , i think he is a good looking man , but i had no desire to be with him or anything like that and so i pursued the girl i was ( and still am ) seeing .

Time passed and i got to know this girl ( which im still dating) And slowly this Anxiety that started the day i found that boy kid attractive turned in to an ocd , which has be torturing my mind for over a year now , however the ocd did not start off terrible. As i grew to know this girl i found her very attractive , shes beautiful , caring smart , and very busy unlike my ex , which i also really liked about her , she was very involved in her self and school work. Time had passed and although i was enjoying time with her (and still do) , there were certain days , and moments were my happiness was taken away and i feel into this deep anxiety like depression , that maybe i could potentially be bi/sexual/gay. There have been times were these feelings were nothing , and there were times were they were to strong to focus on anything else , now most of the time , i can not look at a man and not wonder if he is attractive and examine why i feel this way.

I have realized many things in the process of my sexuality that doesnt really make any sense

- when i view naked men or attractive men I dont not feel the need to touch my self , nor have I ever got an erection from viewing men ( And Ive played football and been around half nude guys many times) i just dont get this super natural libido ,

However , for some odd reason when I am masturbating or sometimes even with my girlfriend , a man will appear in my head , and i will get off faster ( I have no problem getting off with just the thought of my girlfriend , it just takes slightly longer) its an intrusive thought but sometimes it works in my mind.

Also when I am with her I am also very turned on by her, we can be laying down and ill have an erection just because im so close to her.

Anyway im just very thrown off by these emotions , I have done alot of research into this and I do feel that I am straight , its just many signs point to me be Bi , I cant truely say id ever believe im gay because ive always been very attracted to women, Its actually ironic because there was a point in my life were i use to joke around with my friends , and honestly say im so glad im comfortable with my sexuality ( because i was)

- However when i was younger there were 2 minor incidents i can recall were i doubted my self , but i just assumed it was me just being a boy going throught puberty.

Scenario one - when i was around 12 years old i was playing alot of computer games and i was kind of chubby and girls really did not like me , and this day , i was playing a game and i asked my self , could i be gay , and i honestly can say i dont know what sparked that thought , but it went away like nothing

- also one time when i was young i was hanging out with one of my young cousins and i got horny and decided to start humping him (jokingly) i was hard but it wasnt like i got off and after that i never thought of it again and it didnt concern me, until this HOCD kicked in when i was older

- I do find men's faces attractive , and there bodies are alright , But when i truely try to picture my self having sex with a man Its kind of uncomfortable..


So ive been dating this girl now for a year and 2 months , im still going through this emotional ruin , sometimes i feel as if im Branching out of my Hocd , but then theres days were I get hit hardcore and lose my ambitions for alot of things . Also lately Ive felt slightly distant from my girlfriend , i don't know if she can tell but I do , and im kinda confused on why im feelign this HOCD/ Homosexual thoughts,

I still find other girls very attractive and i cant tell what not making me feel that butterfly connection you feel when you truely love someone , i do actually feel this way occasionally when im with her but if my HOCD activates its all over ..
I think maybe im losing interest in her because shes so stressed out over her school work all the time , and also she is a virgin , so whenever im in bed with her if i try something risky she says it "hurts" and we stop ... so it kinda kills the vibes . shes so special and i don't want to lose her , But my happiness is only coming in waves ,
I just want to know if theres anyway i can come to turns with myself and fully appreciate who i am , and the ones that love me back.
And also understand who i am and why i feel the way i do.

I WANT TO GET RID OF THE DOUBT. Alright well writing this made me feel pretty good to get some things of my chest , and any advice would be Helpful in many ways



p.s. ive never been with a guy , and if my HOCD would go away , i would like to keep it that way .