I got pregnant at 19, I used to joke that my daughter's name should have been Contraceptive Killer because I was on the pill faithfully, used a condom, which tore and went for an EC the next day... Turns out the women in my family are just super fertile, only 1 out of my mom's 6 were planned, and only 1 out of 8 grand kids were planned.

The point of my rambling intro?
I was hugely unprepared for motherhood, not due to carelessness, but ignorance.

Pregnancy was a breeze, I was undxd but probably hypo the whole 9 months. I literally danced through the whole thing, came home from a 3 day no sleep (sober and clean) party the day before I went into labour.

Labour was mostly tedious, the first 6 hours I had almost no pain (like average type period cramps) but my waters had broken. Then by hour 8 the real pain came, although I have a high pain threshold and didn't even realize it because of my friends I thought it was supposed to get worse and said nothing. The hospital staff gave me a good lecture about keeping quiet but I assured them it was not as bad as whatever that machine was saying over there and that I didn't want an epidural.

I hit a snag though, I wouldn't dialate properly, contractions were 3 minutes apart and I had only dialated 5cm. Then the nurses started talking C-sections and I lost my shyt.

"YOU WILL NOT TAKE THIS BABY OUT OF MY EFFING BODY, I DID NOT WAIT 9 MONTHS SO YOU COULD ROB ME OF GIVING BIRTH!!! YOU WENT TO MED SCHOOL BLOODYWELL FIGURE OUT HOW TO EFFING FIX THIS!

My OB was called and she agreed to "fix it". Gave me a shot of pethadine and I slept like a rock. Slowed my labour down for a few hours and gave my cervix a chance to catch up with Jordan.

I was woken up at hour 15 by my eldest sister who said "sweety, wake up, its time to push"...

Took about 15 minutes and some swearing. I was tired, and hungry from not eating at all that day, so she slipped back twice and I got frustrated because I just REALLY wanted to sleep!

Honestly the only part of pushing her out that was bad was the crowning, when she crowned I thought my vagina was on fire, but once her head was out the worst was over.

I didn't tear, or incur any damage "down there", which everyone found surprizing seeing as tho I'm tiny and struggled to dialate. But I'm sure it has much more to do with the timing of your pushing...

When I held her for the first time she gave me this dirty look, as if to say "what took you so damn long woman!"

Soo, that's my pregnancy / birth story. It wasn't traumatic at all, motherhood on the other hand has been traumatizing, huge changes, huge adjustments, lots of second guessing myself.

I'm happy to report that I have been on the injectable, haven't had a period in 8 years and thus no pregnancy scares.

Keeping Jordan (my family booked a TOP) was the best decision I've ever made, she compliments me very well. Lol, by that I mean she's very emotionally mature, is really low maintainance and extremely conciderate. I struck gold when I was blessed with her.

She's 10 now, and I will only ever have another child if the stars align just the way I need them to.

Wow, I didn't realize my post would be this long, sorry I've been quite chatty this week.

There's nothing wrong with not choosing motherhood, but I think it would be a shame if anyone made that choice based solely on fear of the unknown. Its hands down theeee most rewarding accomplishment I have attached to my name, even though its sometimes also been the most challenging task I've been given, as I don't have a traditional maternal instinct...