Today, my sister had a CD that was mine. i asked for it back. She didn't want to do that. When my father got involved, he had her give it back. My sister kept saying that i gave it to her, and i told her that i wouldnt have done hat. My father kept saying how i was right, how i'm so selflsh that i would never do anything nice or give sumthing to anyone else. He got in my face and i told him to step away. He moved closer. I told him again, and he stayed there, he told me to back off. (he walked toward me in the first place.) When i steped back, he moved closer to me, i put my arm up and he told me to put it down. i said no, and he got up on his toes, hovering over me. i lightly pressed my arm against his chest while gently giving him a push back saying back away from me. He made a fist and hit me in my right arm with it. I had a mark, but my skin is tan and i couldn't see it very well at all. It hurt and still does hurt like hell. the mark is gone. i am glad because we are having a pool party for my sisters birthday this coming weekend. i dont want to explain to people. Not that i wouldn't lie, but i don't like lieing. Well, now what do i do? My father is mean a lot, but when he is nice, he really is nice. And my mom still loves him. He has no idea how i have been feeling lately, but a lot of them are because of him. I am NOT going to talk or interact with him uless its an emergency. At least not untill he says sorry first. What do i do tho? Do i press charges, do i forget it happened like last times, do i just tell someone, and let them use the info how they want? I need some answers fast. We are going on a trip to Washington, D.C. (leaving Sunday) so what do i do.

I took a depression quiz today, i scored a 43. Over time, i have been slipping further into this depression, but i dont know what to do. I have only been seeing Lori every 3 weeks, and wish i saw her more, but i dont know how to say it to my parents. I dont know how to tell them how sad i am, or how to tell Lori either. I have had recurring thoughts of death, and how my life is a waste. All the dreams i used to have, are fading away. Dreams of living in the country, with 3 kids and a wife, and a dog, with horses, and trailbikes, and quads, and snowmobiles. They are leaving. I'm begining to see myself in a wasteland, where its cold, and dark. barley any color, only the darkest of blues, and purples. rain and clouds all day. I feel trapped in m life. a life of hatered and sadness.

Someone help me. I have but only a few freinds in this painful life. The one i love the most and wish to spill my guts to, knows nothing of my pain.
<div class="foot">(Edited by rtrudeau on 07/27/04 11:35 PM.)</div>