Granite - I am sorry about all this you're going through. I know, I really know, how hard it is.
You know, I do believe that in a way, yes - you are resisting. The question is, why are you resisting? There may be different reasons... perhaps it's all just too much in your head, perhaps you feel it's too painful, perhaps you're afraid of being judged, perhaps you're afraid to let go, perhaps you need - for a while longer - to feel the concern of your T.
Or perhaps it's all at once.

I remember, when I was in that situation, that I needed the concern of the person who asked me. (about 10 years ago) By not telling her (and in my mind I made a thousand excuses why I can't) I kept her concerned, I kept her pushing me, I kept her asking me. I kept her close. I realized later that THAT was the reason I didn't talk. Somewhere in my mind I thought well, if I tell her then she will tell me how to help myself, she will give me advice and will want me to work on this - and eventually the concern and care would stop. It was the fear of losing that care and concern and love, that prevented me from talking. Because for me, I knew that I wanted to lose the hold my abusers had over me - but I wanted to keep the hold that my procrastination caused on the person. It was very manipulative. I know, now, 10 years later that sounds just awful! But I realized when I talked to other people, that I was not so unusual, that I was not the only one who was like this.
I found, that actually speaking out loud about my trauma, the abuse, the torture it made it weaker, it broke the chains between me and my abusers. And surprisingly, something I could never imagine AT ALL before, the feeling of relief was so overwhelming, so good, so freeing - that I didn't mind so much that the attention I received before talking had faded into a genuine balanced concern and friendship.

I am not saying this is the same with you - but I am saying, if you can find out the reasons for your resistance, then it might be a chance to work on it. And can I tell you another little "secret" of mine?
I was in a similar situation where one of my first therapists wanted to send me some material that might help. I didn't want to get it, I thought it wouldn't help, I couldn't imagine anything that would help. Well, the truth was, I didn't want that material because it had the same danger as I was talking about before - it might help me. But I told her no, I resisted vehemently.
Later that day I needed her support, her warmth but I didn't know what to say to her, I didn't have an excuse to call her or email her. So I remembered the material she wanted to send me and I called her and told her to please send it to me because I wanted to be better. And in that conversation I weaved in how bad I felt and I cried. I got what I needed - her telling me comforting things and staying on the phone with me for a little while. God, I felt so bad afterwards because I knew I had used her offer to send me the material to get attention when I had no intention to even look at the material.
But she sent it and eventually I did look at it and it helped me so much.

Again, I am not saying that this is the same with you, at all - your situation might be completely different. I just wanted to make myself a little vulnerable here to show you that we are not always in control of what we feel or don't always know what we want. But when we reach out, when we try to jump our very own dark shadows, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And peace, relief and love.

Love,
Amelia