Quote:
Originally Posted by Amelia112
I was wondering, as I read through some of the threads this morning - and rereading some of my own threads...
How do you distinguish on here (and in real life) between what is "good" support and perhaps "not so good" support? I find it difficult sometimes when I read something (or hear something in RL) and I want to give support but it might not be exactly what the person wants to hear. And I feel wrong encouraging something that - when I take all individual circumstances out of the equation - perhaps may benefit from a different perspective.
In my real life, I am being taught by my therapist but also other people around me, that it is important to a person's growth to step up sometimes and tell the truth as they see it. (Or hear the truth as others see it..)
For me personally, I sometimes find responses that are not exactly what I want to hear much more helpful than those who validate my feelings without perhaps questioning them. For my very own development it was imperative to experience "tough love" at times, people telling me straight that I was wrong And I was/am wrong a lot of times, haha 
But I do find this a difficult topic, especially on here sometimes. Do you sometimes feel this way? Like you want to help and you think you may have some insight but then you don't because you're afraid it might be seen as unsupportive? What is the right support, especially on here?
Thanks for your responses
Amelia |
unfortunately or fortunately depending upon ones point of view with life, on line and off line there are rules to follow.
example....you mentioned this site...well this site has rules that say all posts must be of the supporting nature.. who decides whats supportive and what standards a person can post by is the owner of the site and the moderating/administrative team. there are ways to deal with posts and how to post...a member who is not sure whether they are being supportive or not can pm any of the moderators. the moderators read the posts then give feedback so that the member can be assured their post is being supportive..
there is also ways members can be sure they they are protected from posts they may find that they are not sure are supportive or not....theres a report post icon to the left of the post. click on that and then write in the space provided your concerns and the moderators check out the post to see if any thing needs to be done with the post to ensure its being supportive.
theres also a safety feature where members can block potentially triggering posts. click on that posters name, user lists and then ignore user.
I use all three of these features/services when needed.
mind you not all websites have these features/services. sometimes I just have to make a personal decision of whether I want to continue reading posts or visiting that website that may or may not be of a supportive nature in my opinion.
off line again there are rules to what is being supportive and what isnt and when its appropriate...
example
when in some churches its not acceptable behavior to tell someone you agree with their decision to abort their baby, use birth control, you are in agreement that they need to get away from their abusive spouse.....but in other churches it is ok to support someone this way....
in some mental health agencies it is ok for a treatment provider to show support by hand holding, giving hugs, and telling the client you know as well as I do you are just sabotaging your healing, dont you think it would be better if you stop this bs and do this instead... and in other mental health agencies it is not ok to support the client by physical contact or as you call it tough love.
even in the home life there are differences in how family members show support...in some homes it is acceptable to support another family member through financial means, lending an ear, helping the family member solve their problems, and in other families doing the opposite let them fend for their self, they made their bed let them figure it out, tough love what ever.....
my point is there are many different standards of support and most times what dictates whats supportive and not is a persons own locations laws/rules/culture/ family dynamics/ societies morals, common curtesy and such....
with me I rely on the rules/ethics of my job, whats right for me/my family/culture/city and when I am online I adjust my modes of giving support depending upon what each websites rules/guidelines are and when in doubt discuss the situation with a moderator.