It sounds like you want the money to keep working; why do you not both just do your own thing (as it sounds like you do anyway with each of you being away from one another for various reasons for weeks at a time). My grandmother and grandfather did that; he had a mistress but she would not allow him to divorce her because of the social stigma (back in the 1940s). The family only sort of knew what was going on; I had the dubious pleasure of helping my stepmother write to the mistress (no conceivable relationship to each other, whatsoever LOL) in the 1990s the mistress was my father's age (my father was oldest child) so still alive long after my grandparents died in the 1960s. She had been given jewelry by my grandfather and never married/had children of her own, etc. and wanted to return the jewelry to our family when she died.

I do not think the marriage can be "saved"; does not sound like your husband wants to work on it at all but what the two of you decide to do as far as have others on the side, etc. would be up to you two? I personally would want to get what money I could and then live my own life, to heck with what he wants, he isn't trying to help you get what you want so let him get depressed, scared, unhappy, whatever, that's his problem, how he deals with his feelings and wants. Right now it just seems like he has everything the way he wants it or he'd be doing something different, like you are content with the money situation and don't want to rock that boat?