I'm not doing so good. I just came back from seeing my doctor. I don't confide in him . . . I don't feel trusting of him. He sent me for more e-rays of my foot and blood work to check for rheumatoid arthritis. I never heard of getting RA in just one foot. So I don't believe that's even possible. He also referred me to the orthopedic clinic. It could be a few months to see what's next. Back when I was working, I would have paid to get appointments right away, even if it all came out of my pocket. Now I just wait and worry.

He says as little as possible and keeps the visit very short. I wish he could have talked with me more about this foot and how scared it makes me feel. I am so disappointed. Then, again, I would be afraid to tell him I am so depressed. I don't want to jeopardize getting my hydrocodone.

I went to my s/o's place, and I started off okay . . . cleaning his place, taking his laundry to the laundromat, shopping for him, a little cooking. Then I got depressed, and I became useless. I don't want to go back there today. He really is getting to where he shouldn't be alone, and I feel bad. I only feel okay when I know I am about to fall asleep. I want to get out of my life, which is nothing but a trap now. I feel so awful.

Thank you, each of you. I don't know what to do about him, and that is a lot of my stress.