I've been researching the foot ailment I have and the surgery to correct it. Ten years ago, or even 3 years ago, I would have had my boyfriend to take care of me during recovery. He would have shopped and cooked and done anything I would have needed. But now, he can't hardly take care of himself. He is alone tonight and I feel guilty leaving him on his own. Each time I go over, I see that he is more and more dependent.

I am just weeping with awful sadness and feeling so bad. I am awfully depressed. I am telling myself that people have much worse things than this happen. It feels like things are just getting to where there is no good way to cope. And, other than here, I have no one to even talk to about it. One of my sisters would probably let me stay with them, if I needed help, but I can't go anywhere because I can't leave my s/o alone.

I have a brother that lives two miles from me who could have made such a difference, but he doesn't even talk to me. He became so mean to me, even though I got him out of jail and got him out of being homeless and did all I could to help him get settled and be alright. He's mad that I said I would not take care of his orphan cats anymore. He keeps getting arrested and leaves pets behind in the lurch. I did care for one cat, but I can't do it every time he gets arrested. So he cut off contact with me. Maybe that's for the best, as he can be an awful person to be around. I had this pipe dream that we would help each other. He just takes and doesn't give. That if I ever broke my leg, he could bring me a bag of groceries. He's awful wrong to be so mean.

My boyfriend gets mad, if I cry about anything. I kind of wish he would go into a nursing home. But that would make me very sad too. It seems there is no way out of things being just beyond what I know how to take care of. I just want to escape some way. But there isn't any way.

My next door neighbor no longer talks to me, after me putting up with her addict son for years asking me for money and I never reported it to the landlord. I don't deserve people to be as mean to me as they have been. I'm here complaining because there is no where else to go. I'm a failure in life, and it's getting to be too much I have to pay for not being more successful. I just want to go dig a hole and get in.