I do screaming whenever anything startles me or goes suddenly "wrong" and my husband gets upset often at the loudness (I'm half deaf) of my expression of surprise.

I've half "accepted" that I do this and now often defend my reaction with my husband; I have dropped knives when I'm working in the kithen and only moved my foot just in time, etc. Some startles are more startling than others :-) That's probably a good thing to realize. If you're surprised, then you're surprised; there's nothing wrong with that! That you get surprised more often or are "louder" is an individual difference and is okay.

I'm working on accepting my individual differences and knowing in myself that it's okay for me to be startled/express that very normal feeling "louder" than others and "holding my head up" and merely apologizing/explaining in a simple way that doesn't make me (or the other person) feel shame "I'm sorry, I was startled." (instead of "you" startled me) and going on.

I'm also working on not always screaming :-) It's a "habit" with me, the only way I currently know how to express myself in a startling situation. I have a head start on working on the habit for myself; I was in therapy for 9 years because I didn't have "words" to express myself and I suspect my startle response is another lack of "words"/means. I figured out many many years ago (30+? :-) that I use to call suicide/help lines because I literally did not know how else to ask for help. I wasn't really suicidal but felt like I felt that way because that was so concrete/literal a need/call for help. I was so "muddy" and confused, etc. that I couldn't express myself at all. My T taught me "words"/how to identify and express my feelings and lots and lots of things got betterer and betterer :-) I imagine my startle response can get better too and I can get less startleable if I look at it in that way and use some of the tools my T taught me.