Quote:
Originally Posted by Amelia112
I was wondering, as I read through some of the threads this morning - and rereading some of my own threads...
How do you distinguish on here (and in real life) between what is "good" support and perhaps "not so good" support? I find it difficult sometimes when I read something (or hear something in RL) and I want to give support but it might not be exactly what the person wants to hear. And I feel wrong encouraging something that - when I take all individual circumstances out of the equation - perhaps may benefit from a different perspective.
In my real life, I am being taught by my therapist but also other people around me, that it is important to a person's growth to step up sometimes and tell the truth as they see it. (Or hear the truth as others see it..)
For me personally, I sometimes find responses that are not exactly what I want to hear much more helpful than those who validate my feelings without perhaps questioning them. For my very own development it was imperative to experience "tough love" at times, people telling me straight that I was wrong And I was/am wrong a lot of times, haha 
But I do find this a difficult topic, especially on here sometimes. Do you sometimes feel this way? Like you want to help and you think you may have some insight but then you don't because you're afraid it might be seen as unsupportive? What is the right support, especially on here?
Thanks for your responses
Amelia |
Yes, often with friends and acquaintances I think I have some insight and I think it would be unsupportive, unhelpful and unwanted to share it and I don't. On here I share insight more often than I would in real life because people more often ask for it on here and I think people are more likely to have learned to be open to it if they do therapy.
I don't think "tough love" is always a good, healthy approach. One thing is I think a person giving tough love is likely to be assuming their perspective is right. If they weren't, then I think either they wouldn't give the "tough love" because they wouldn't think it was justified to hurt the person, or, on the other hand, it wouldn't really be "tough" because it wouldn't really be very hard for the person hearing it.
If someone's past experience involves rejection, not being valued or respected and not getting what they need, then a tough, aggressive approach may come across as a threat, not something that can be trusted or accepted. I think it's perfectly natural for people not to trust tough love if their past experiences are that toughness is not loving.