I'm so sorry Rose. You are worth so much more than what this life is giving you right now, and has. I don't understand why, why so much pain and suffering. I wish I could say something to help. I wish somehow the pain could disappear. Please, keep hanging on. You have given too much of yourself to others that don't return it, or help. It isn't fair. I know you have given your all. You, just being here for others when you could, is the best thing you could have done, and all that you did for your family and s/o. It's so not fair. You are a success, you have pain and heartache and needs to be met. This sux being on the internet instead of in a position to be next door and go get those groceries for you. I sound a little nuts, but seriously, I wish we could all help. Is there any resources for help for you? I know its probably redundant to ask, you are taking care of him, and that's why you won't go get help for you.
You HAVE to find a way for YOU now, somehow.. hugs again