The last couple of days I've had this feeling of extreme emptyness. This is something I've felt before of course, but it usually doesn't last this long. People always think emptyness means I can't feel my anxiety anymore but I can. It's there constantly. The pain never stops.
I want a hug, but I get so scared when people get close to me. Like, even if I just took a shower I worry about smelling bad, looking bad, scaring them off. All I can think about are the dumb things I've said and done in the past and I regret every little thing that comes out of my mouth now. They must all hate me. That makes me ashamed, sorry for being such a disappointment but it also makes me HATE them for some reason I can't explain. I'm in desperate need for attention and validation right now, but I still don't really... care at this point you know? I don't know what to write, even with my best friend who I usually never have trouble talking to. This lack of imagination, having no things to say and no urge to make a change... it's overwhelming, but I can't get upset cause I can't feel anything real right now. I feel myself hurting inside, wanting to cry desperately but on the outside I'm just... numb. I'm filled with pain but I'm still empty and cold. I hate this ****ing feeling. I know this may sound confusing but I can't be the only one. Right?

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