I got to my support group today... feeling really down. I had the day to myself and was determined to make some progress on my foreclosure. But I seem to be frozen when it comes to acting on anything. I couldn't make a single call all day... to a bank, to a lawyer, to a services agency.

Then after the support group I went out and just felt horrible. Watching other people I just realized how out of place I am... even if I feel OK I am just not belonging anywhere. I'm out of my age group, out of my experience, out of my time, out of my health, and soon out of financial and shelter security. I let time pass me by. "Its never too late" people say but it is for a lot of things. I'll never have a "first kiss" or a "first date" or "young love". I've been trying really hard but no one is even interested in old love, and I am starting to feel like a fool for even trying. Not because I am embarrased but because it is coming to a point where I am being treated as a fool with no exceptions. I don't fit anywhere.

And tonight I got home and was bombarded with email from people I haven't heard from a while... why it never rains it pours I don't know... but my email was all full of bullsheet from people I don't think I even want to hear from anymore. I am ready to tell a few of them just to go away and leave me alone. Even though these are the only people I have. It does me no good to have people around who cause me grief though, I'd be better off dealing with my stuff on my own like I've been doing. As much as I wish I didn't have to be doing this alone it just causes a set back to have contact with most of these people.

I think I am going to write back to a few of them tonight.

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