Unfortunately it sounds very familiar to me, a lot of similarities in symptoms...this happened to me when I was 43, I was diagnosed that year. None of my behaviors were 'normal' for me, it all came out of the blue. What is hard to understand is impairment in judgement that occurs. Something in me was telling me it was 'ok' even though I knew it wasn't. How could it possibly be ok to leave my teenage sons alone with their dad to pursue my 'true love' when I had basically lived for my sons all their lives? I'd been a stay at home mom. When I finally came down from the mania I realized all those thoughts were false, the depression that followed was pretty horrible, guilt and lots of time and effort to repair us all. I honestly can't explain that 'thing' that tells you its ok to do what you are doing when what you are doing isn't ok. Mania and depression are both powerful forces that make the person believe the lies the mind comes up with.