Do you mind if I ask... If this issue might have something to do with your anger?

I'm asking about that because it sounds like you really need to talk to your therapist about this. But this is a really hard issue. So I'm wondering if the anger might be part of an avoidance strategy or something like that. (Please just ignore that if it doesn't resonate, but it is something to think about, perhaps).

I had a similar thing with my therapist on the first session. He asked me how much I could afford to pay. I had no idea what to say. I really couldn't afford very much, but I also didn't want to devalue him by saying a low amount. I think I kind of blushed and hung my head. He said that it could be as little as $5 per session if that was all I could afford.

Before I saw him I asked on a forum what percentage of a persons income people thought was appropriate to pay for therapy. Different people thought different percentages were appropriate. Some people said that their entire salary went to their analyst and they thought it was the best investment they ever made. Of course their husbands salaries were being used to support their family and their lifestyle outside therapy. I don't know how I feel about that... I react to it rather, but I can't name the feeling. Horror? Perhaps...

Basically, I didn't really get a satisfactory answer (in myself, I mean). I realised that even to talk about percentages of your salary is hard. I mean if you are earning a great deal of money then you might well be able to devote half your salary to therapy and still be able to support a lifestyle with designer clothes and the like. If you aren't earning very much then half your salary might be going on rent and basics and that other half... Might well be going on that too.

So, even looking at percentages of salary isn't so helpful.

I am giving him $5 per session. And I do feel bad about that, yeah. I feel bad about that when I buy coffee and when I go to the movies and when I go out drinking. I feel pretty bad about money more generally, however. Have issues around money. I'm so glad he didn't make me come up with a figure because even though I thought about it hard for a couple weeks I had no idea what to say.

Can you think of a figure that would be better for you? I know this is a really hard issue.