I used to reject before being rejected and be triggered to do so by the smallest thing. I did the same with abandonment. It isolated me. Now, I've trying to give people a chance. I'm trying to see a person for being a person and not good or bad.

However, this opens up the opportunities for rejection and abandonment. The guy that I was seeing completely abandoned me after he said that he would not disappear and I just realized that a few people who I thought were my friends deleted me from Facebook, though we still have the same mutual friends.

I really don't deal well with abandonment. It's hard to keep this step in recovery up when it is causing me pain that perhaps could be avoidable.

I'm spending money and drinking as a distraction from a heavy heart. I typically like alone time, but it's hard to be alone lately.

I can't help but hate myself a little because maybe if I wasn't so intense, people would like me. Though it's not all my fault, I'm angry with myself for acting up the other day and scaring my man away.

My T is on vacation for 2 weeks and I move in 5 weeks. I'm having a rough time.