Dear T,

I feel like I'm far more damaged than you realize. I ****ed up again tonight. I can't have relationships with people I thought about you today and realized I could just walk away from therapy and it would all feel like a distant memory or maybe even a dream. It's been over a year....that's all I feel? Really? wtf is wrong with me? I'm sorry, T. It hurts so much I can't hold it alone but I don't know how to not do that. I don't know what to do anymore. If I could just figure this out, connect all the dots and feel better, I would right away. I would turn back time a be a little child again and just.start.over. I would make it end better. But I can't. And that hurts far more than it should.

I can't stand myself.