I'm a 19 yr old male, and I've always been deathly afraid to show my parents what puberty has done. Stupid and weird I know. When I started getting body hair, I shaved it off. Then when I got to an age where I was supposed to have it, I stopped but hid it. For example my legs. When I had to stop shaving my legs so people didn't look at me weird, I stopped wearing shorts. But continued shaving my arms. My parents haven't seen me in shorts since I was in 5-6th grade and I'm in 12th. Not until 10th grade did I start wearing shorts again, and I was deathly afraid. My parents didn't know I wore shorts, as they've never actually seen me wear them since 5-6th grade. I would actively avoid them from seeing me while I wear and wore shorts. Only once has my dad seen me in shorts, and 2-3x has my mom seen me.

When I first wore shorts to school (I walk to school), I found it to be a sexual thrill. Very weird, very odd. Yes. I felt as if I was doing something I shouldn't. Very self conscience, but invigorating and thrilling at the same time. Not until a year ago did I start shaving (I have a disorder which causes delayed puberty), and there's been times where I've been too lazy to shave, so what I do is completely avoid my parents and family. If I'm around when I'm unshaven, I hide my face. I hide my razor and shaving cream so my mom can't see it (I don't hide it at my dads;parents divorced; because they don't go in my bathroom), she hasn't seen it a single time.

I've been debating with myself on whether I should shave my arms. But I just trim all my body hair for now (trimmers). Away from family, I've become fully comfortable with my legs. But I am deathly afraid to be around my family with my legs. I've considered getting hair lightener to lighten it, but haven't yet.

Basically, any signs of being "turning into a male adult" I've hidden from my family.

Thoughts? Any name for this fear I have?