Hi SbtGuy, NO you're not pathetic!!! It is really good that you're reaching out to others/seeking friendships/companionship particularly with the way you're feeling. That can take/show a lot of strength!! And you've also recognised that there are problems with the way you've started to do that, well done!!
Of course it's a slippery slope you're on using alcohol as a tool in connecting with people, drinking more, going to work drunk.............
But if the ways you've tried connecting haven't worked/aren't working for you then that doesn't mean that there aren't other options.
As for people not being willing to have a normal lunch with you then I'd say that that doesn't necessarily equate to them not liking your company at all. They probably just don't know you well enough to make that move, particularly if depression has held you back a bit in showing that as much. Maybe start a little slower and let them get to see you a little more. Perhaps suggest something a little less "one on one" than lunch e.g. going to the cinema to watch.........going to a gig, going to do some activity.
But if they really aren't interested in getting to know you then that's going to say just as much about them as about you, do not take that personally. If you look at other options/social circles there will be people who will value you!!
Are there any interests/hobbies you have/could begin to have? Any groups around you could tag into? Are you accessing as many things out there as you can/might like for example even swimming/going to the gym/taking a "recreational" college course can open new avenues and gradually introduce you to different people.
As for the depression, yes it's going to make it a bit harder for you, but maybe have a think about if there's anyone around you who you could talk to about it, although we're here as well!! And if you need to then you're still going to have the option of talking to your doctor about it, right?
But you are NOT pathetic!! And well done again, on recognizing and seeing the need to change where you are right now!! That is a massive step towards actually being able to change things for yourself!!!
Alison