With preparing to go back to work when I graduate in a little over a month, the nightmares have come back full force in which I am always powerless and out of control of a situation with some kind of real harm coming to me, and not always in the same way as the attack but sometimes in another form. I hate how real they are and are starting to shake my confidence, making me afraid to sleep at night, and in also exacerbating what very little fear I had during the days as am having flashbacks now again that I am starting to doubt whether I can do this and if it is worth it. Things have been calm for so long, I know I cannot cope with it starting over again.

I wonder whether a sleep med would make it worse or better but I have it for when I have insomnia; I need to contact my doc. I just need them to stop. I am becoming paranoid again, jumping at my own shadow, and not able to function, shutting down during the day as it all comes back to me. Is this really going to be worth it that perhaps the status quo is better to not trigger it; is this going to keep me from my being able to do more with my life, this one awful event that never ends?! I don't want to give it anymore power but I am succumbing to the pain and fear again. I don't want to give in to it but am finding myself in its grips. How can I take my life back?!

I don't know that there are any answers but I needed to get this out as am stressed beyond words at this point. Thanks in advance for listening, it means alot.