You're not alone. I'm having the same issues. I'm not trying to compare, only to let you know that there are others dealing or "not" dealing like you. It's comforting in a way to know that you are out there too, at least for me.

I can't afford a T at this time, that's why I'm in these forums and reading, reading, reading.

I hope and pray that all of our prayers get answered.
We are not bad people. We can't possibly attract all this on ourselves.

You are not alone.