YOU ARE NOT BONKERS! Your post is lucid, reasonable, and very insightful - these characteristics tend to suggest that you are currently quite sane. Your ah-hell-ah-vah more self-aware of your mental states than I ever was through high school and college and career thereafter. Sure, I knew something was drastically wrong with my behaviors (that incidentally were nearly identical to your descriptions), but I was terrified of finding out that I might be "mentally ill." It was easier to pretend everything was fine - but there comes a time when the sufferer can no longer look away - and that's usually following a major tragedy. Don't wait for disaster to force you to deal with your mental illness - by then, it may be too late.