Thanks, Perna. I am in a really, really bad way right now. My c-PTSD is raging. I am so angry at a former employer who gives all former employees negative reviews so that no one will hire them. I get too upset to even write a complaint. I have spoken with attorneys but they do not want my case. I am sick over this. I need money to live and do the things I want and need to do. I have never earned a lot and have had a very sad life. I don't need this evil person to continue to ruin my life. I don't seem to be able to move forward. I have also had several bad job experiences since. I am so unattractive that people see my as less than human. I seem to have always been treated like that - even by my mother.

I have considered taking college courses but no online because I need to get out of my apartment. Every time I went to college I was not popular due a lot to anti-gay discrimination and for being a goody two-shoes. I just like to follow instructions but it gets me no where socially.

Karoake is not for me. Sorry. I have not been able to find a new interest since my feet and arm gave out and had to give up tennis. That was the only thing that I really enjoyed. Due to anxiety issues (and problems with blinking lights due to epilepsy), I don't enjoy bars.

I needed a better vacation than the one I took. I went to a casino because they are cheap. My passport had expired so I could not do an overseas tour. I seem to have very little in common with Americans even though I am one. I think I would be out of place where ever I went in the USA. Maybe I should join the Peace Corps?

Being gay is awful. I know there isn't one but I need a cure. It does not work for me at all. Never will. I will be asking to change counselors this week. My current one is not good enough. I want my life to be over. I am almost unable to leave my apartment out of dread. I want to be a goner.