This is something I've heard and heard in T. My confusion around this is great. Then it hit me last night, just what the real relationship is. Its everything that "is" and not what I fantasie about.

Its the Here and now in that therapy room. Its every word, silence action that occurs in that room. Its not the fantasy in my mind where I am the only real person in T's life, That I am the one she carrys with her in her mind.

Its her being sue, the therapist that is helping me heal. Its her, sue that see's me for 50mins twice a week. That does her best to help me but cannot be superwoman.

I also know now that I haven't even had a real relationship with me! I have a fantasy of who I think I am or who I would believe I am but I am not that fantasy. I am good and bad. I am a paradox of everything. I hurt, I laugh, I hate, I love. I try and avoid. I am what we all are. Human. I have pain, I have joy.

I am imperfect, I am unsure. I am alone first. I am me first.