I can't deal with it. Years of therapy have not helped. I don't like being gay or celibate or asexual. I don't like gay sex. I don't fit in the gay community - it's very sexual and the sex and looking for it just makes me sad. I don't fit in anywhere. I have no choice but to find a gay cure. I need to be normal. I cannot deal with being different. I cannot take it anymore - the discrimination, the social expulsion, the deep deep sadness that consumes me.