Unguy

I'm sorry that you are in a bad way right now. The mountain that you must climb is huge. There is a lot of negativity in your post, but most of it is from you hon. Before you can expect anyone else on the planet to love, respect, and accept you, you must first do those things for yourself.

It doesn't make it any easier, but please know that the feelings that you are having are not unique. We've all felt this way from time to time.

When I was young I met this boy that most people would consider extremely unattractive. And truth be told upon first meeting I too passed that judgment. Once I got to know him, I saw HIM. He was a beautiful person. I remember being surprised when an acquaintance commented on his appearance.

By the same token when I was 20 something I met a woman that I thought was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. I was enthralled with her for about 20 seconds. That's how long it took to discover how ugly she was on the inside. She was mean, spiteful, and shallow. Again, after I'd gotten to know her (I had no choice in the matter) I was surprised when someone commented on how beautiful she was. What? Have you looked at her? All of those perfect features took on another appearance when you knew her. The irony of the situation was that she had been blessed with all of the attributes that society deems attractive, but she needed to make other people feel bad to feel better about herself.