I've been seeing a T for around a year and a half now, this is my first time tying therapy and I'm just looking to hear if this is a normal therapy experience I'm having? I went in for depression and suicidal thoughts, I am a woman seeing an older male T. Over the past year we've been trying to work on some childhood trauma related work. We also discuss sex quite frequently. It's some kind of analysis work, not sure if it's a mix of some kind though.

After only a few months I was stunned by the intense feelings I developed for this T. I learned about transference online and told my T my feelings a few months ago. It was an intense session, and at the end of it he asked if I wanted a hug, I did want a hug and we hugged briefly and I left feeling like a huge weight was lifted off of me. We have kind of talked about the transference, not head on though. He managed to work into conversation that nothing would ever happen (even though I hadn't suggested anything) and also about how the feelings I feel aren't really for him and I will see that one day. He said if we had a relationship it would be abusive on his part due to the vulnerabilities... not sure he worded it like that, but that was the message I got.

Ever since the first session we've hugged, and I won't lie, considering my intense feelings I love it. The hugs are never sexual for me though except I remember the touch later. Well, at our session three weeks ago I was processing a rough memory. I was crying for the first time as I recounted something very painful, he got up, crossed the room, sat next to me and offered me a hug. I fell into his arms and buried my head into him. A huge relief washed over me, and I just held him spaced out and then after what felt like 30 seconds the thought "I want to move my hands up his back" popped into my head and I quickly ended the embrace.

Another time I was talking to him and we both were silent for a while, all of a sudden I realized I was very turned-on and in this most intense hot eye lock with him, both of us quietly smiling. I literally felt like he told me he loved me with that look, oy vey! So, here was the final thing. I was getting an oil change right before therapy the other day and obsessing about my T who I was about to see. Suddenly I hear his voice, saying "aren't you running late for therapy?" and I look up and it was him! I was in shock and then he suggested we go to a coffee shop a block away and have therapy there... and we did. And the eye contact happened again over coffee. God, help me.

I trust that my T isn't up to something, which is odd because normally I'm untrusting of everyone, but I still feel a powerful two way energy between us. Like a tangible electric kind of energy at times. He seems like a perfect person right now, too good a person to actually take advantage of me. Maybe I shoulda put this in the romantic feelings section, LOL.