I think when we are in our episodes we do become self absorbed. Its almost like we have to be. I felt it during my last depression, I had to become numb and very quiet to get through it.

As far as counseling, my H and I have gone a few times to different ones. Some results weren't as good as others, I think you need to keep trying at least til you get to a more reasonable place in your relationship. I realized I needed to let go of my anger against him in order for me to both feel better mentally and feel better when I'm near him. He's learned a little more about my illness and is a little more relaxed regarding my behaviors during episodes. Its not great but its livable. I would suggest not giving up on couples counseling. Next time might be the charm.