Quote:
Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot
I used to reject before being rejected and be triggered to do so by the smallest thing. I did the same with abandonment. It isolated me. Now, I've trying to give people a chance. I'm trying to see a person for being a person and not good or bad.
However, this opens up the opportunities for rejection and abandonment. The guy that I was seeing completely abandoned me after he said that he would not disappear and I just realized that a few people who I thought were my friends deleted me from Facebook, though we still have the same mutual friends.
I really don't deal well with abandonment. It's hard to keep this step in recovery up when it is causing me pain that perhaps could be avoidable.
I'm spending money and drinking as a distraction from a heavy heart. I typically like alone time, but it's hard to be alone lately.
I can't help but hate myself a little because maybe if I wasn't so intense, people would like me. Though it's not all my fault, I'm angry with myself for acting up the other day and scaring my man away.
My T is on vacation for 2 weeks and I move in 5 weeks. I'm having a rough time.
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i think we all may have done that at one time or another in our relationships,
i know i have done the reject before rejected thing several times, i think it's like a defense mechanism to keep from being abandoned. the loneliness is such an awful and empty feeling, like you just have nothing left inside. i think that's one of the reasons we try to avoid abandonment so much. because it hurts so bad, with that being said. it makes it very hard to give people chances,especially when you've been burned. i struggle with it too, day and night. some days are better than others, the drinking and spending money are just some of the things we do when we feel this way, i won't say that its good or bad, just that that's one way we try to cope. is it helping us, probably not. i was mad at myself thursday night, i ended up drinking pretty hard, i was so mad at myself because for me it makes my bpd act up worse.
my emotions are so much stronger when i drink so its worse, but i did it anyway. the intensity is a good thing, it's learning to channel it in the right ways which is the hard part, this is why we struggle i think. people will like you for who you are, if they don't they are not real friends. when the time is right and you are ready you'll find the right guy, till then the only thing you can do is take it one day at a time, hope this helps!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
