I am having such a bad time of late with my marriage and its all come to a head now. I am 40 and I thought I had dealt with issues with my mother's emotional abuse, but I know deep down I still crave her love and affection. I have been crying alot, crying for my lost childhood, crying that I felt numb when I was growing up and I knew that was the only way to survive subconsciously. I rang a crisis line today and she was the most wonderful, kind person and I told her so. She said one thing at the end of the call "being strong means reaching out for help". My husband wants our marriage to go on without counselling, he thinks we can ride this through but am going to tell him what she said to me and hope that he can understand.

He has been my rock, but we also have a disabled son and I have bipolar and for the last 10 years I have been battling this illness and demons from my past. I want to heal now, I want us both to start healing and nurturing our relationship because for so long it has all been about my mother and the abuse and about our son. Its time to move on.........

Thanks for listening