I'm not a particularly relegious person, but I prayed last night. I prayed for resolve and for healing and strength. I have been infused with a paralyzing hopelessness and flatness and lack of motivation and fear for weeks now. Its caused huge parts of my life that I worked so hard to build up since the last deep depression to fall apart and I just feel so tired.

I have to get to work on Monday finding a way to get my meds right and get into intensive therapy. I realize that my strategies in life are part of my problem but I feel like a lazy person that doesn't really want to change. How do you alter that my friends?? Is it truth or just the black depression whispering?

I wish I could just go to sleep forever but that's not an option. I find myself counting the hours until I can go back to bed though. I see my son today and I don't want to be like this for him, but I just feel nothing. Send me strength I guess, I want so much more than this.