Hi confusedgirl, maybe you're protective over your emotions because of the reactions you've had from others when you've tried to talk to them? especially if they make you feel like you're attention seeking.
Then do you think there's a chance that maybe something's getting lost in communication? Maybe they aren't really "getting it"?
Might be down to them, maybe they just want to believe that everything is fine even when it isn't or they just don't know how to react?
Might be down to how much you're telling them. And it's completely understandable if you're having difficulties getting things across to them if you're not used to talking about how you're feeling.
Then maybe you're afraid to make yourself vulnerable by "letting things out". That can be really scary at times, taking the chance in opening yourself up to someone else, but is there anyone you feel you could trust above others to do this with?
And maybe you have so much going on in your head that it might be hard to know where to begin or where to continue with it?? But that's OK, if you can just start bit by bit, even write it down, even write it down here. Just whatever comes into your head, don't worry about explaining it too much just let it out.
As for this being the internet, sure you can talk about your circumstances, how you're feeling, what's going on for you. Just make sure you don't give out personal information or information which could identify who you are. That does still leave plenty of scope, as if you look around here you might just find that your situation/circumstances aren't that different than a lot of people's and what you tell us might not stand out so much in letting out your personal identity.
And don't worry so much about having safety and security and still having the power to mess up. It's amazing how many things we can mess up regardless. Sometimes we have to monitor what we're doing and possible consequences, sometimes we just have to trust our initiative and then sometimes we just have to do our best to work through mistakes (and if possible try to put them right), learn form them, and try to move on to make the future better. Everyone is going to mess up at times in their lives though, you wouldn't be the only one, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world.
Now, sorry if that was long!! your turn now............!!
Do you want to try to tell us a little more about what's going on for you........we're more than happy to listen, not judge you and try to help if we can.
Alison