Sorry, this is a very long post, but I feel that I have to give some background to set my points in some context.

I want to talk about my parents. It's a long story but to summarise in brief there is a lot of difficult history between us. I would say that they are toxic. They would like to have a very close relationship with me. Actually to be more precise they would like to return to the co-dependent relationship that we once had. However, I do not want that. They were very controlling and interfered in every aspect of my life. My parents are not very social and put too much emphasis on my place in their lives. I find this hard. Now I am in my mid 30s and I live away from them and lead my own life. I try to distance myself as much as I can. I still care a lot about them, but if I let them into my life they will return to their old ways. I called my parents at the weekend. I lived with my parents until I was in my late 20s. I spent a lot of time with my mum during those years. However my mum was over protective. For this reason, and because she needed me, she made it hard for me to leave home or to socialise with people my own age. Recently I have been reducing the frequency of my telephone calls. But now my mum has started quizzing me about what have been doing and where I've been recently. It sounds innocent, but I know her very well and so I know her motive. She wants to know if I am seeing a girl or what the reason is for reducing the frequency of my calls. I don't want to get upset with her. Partly I feel this will give her the power she is looking for. Partly I am still scared of her. She has always controlled me through fear. She has a bad temper and I was on the receiving end of that a lot when I lived with my parents. I'm really not sure how to handle this best. Generally I offer very little information. However I have never been able to lie to my mum and she has a knack of asking very pointed and direct questions. My dad also annoyed me this week by asking “if I am planning to have a holiday this year”. Again, it sounds like a very innocent question. But I know what he means. My parents have felt for many years that I work too hard. When I lived at home, work took over my entire life. But that was part choice, I had big ambitions and I knew what I needed to do to achieve them. Partly had nothing else in my life. I had no friends, since they made that hard, and I was deeply depressed about other family issues. For years they nagged me about my work. My dad was by far the worst. He went on a crusade about it. It's ironic really because he works very hard himself. Actually I think this is part of the reason. He probably feels that if he can “correct” me this means that he must be healthy himself. These days I still work long hours each week. But no more than any of my peers and I have various hobbies and other interests. What is more it is not an addition, as they imply. But again, that's ironic as my parents suffer from addition problems. For some reason, however it really upsets me when my dad interferes with this. Probably this is because it takes me back to childhood years, where I was acutely aware that I was not the son he hoped for. My choices in life have never suited him. But he should just accept them and not interfere. Does any one else experience similar problems? Also does anyone have any tips for dealing with these issues? I don't want to upset my parents but I do want to improve the situation for their sake and mine.