Hi Pinksoil, yea we talked a little but i had so much resentment built up I wasn't very forthcoming. I did, do what you suggested and wrote down a LONG list of things I need to get off my chest.

"Do you know why you were crying? Were you sad? Do you know why? Was it because you feel your T is "stuck" with you?"

Sunrise, yes I think that there were some things that happened during the previous week that kind of resurrected my depressive symptoms as well as my "vibe" with my t and my questioning her ability. I tried to discuss this in detail during the session, and she wanted those "symptoms" under control.

She hasn't done much in the past to help me get past my troubles except refer me to pdoc for meds......but yea I like her very much I just wonder if she's able to help me.

I think one of the biggest problems is that we are not getting to the core. I need to examine that place so I can somewhat accept what has happened to me and learn to live with it and try to find a way to live on and not have it affect me so. I trusted her enough to tell her things even my partner doesn't really know and she never seems to go to the root, just wants to "add positivity" to today. Blegh, let's go to the past already.

I too was taken aback as I thought she'd try to reassure me that it was a bad week and try to get to the core of what was happening, versus reaching for the meds straight away. I felt she didn't ask the questions that maybe she should. Got me to thinking much about our relationship and so forth. I decided I would make a list of all the things that were bugging me with us. So I've done that and it's like three pages or so of explanation. I haven't sent it yet.

I've got to say I thought this thread would be interesting but its really getting me to be analytical about the mental health care I'm receiving. I don't really know it my t is the right fit or is "getting to me" the way one should. I say this because after reading this thread, I asked her numerous questions about her style, approach, analyzing me, my notes etc...I didn't really like her answers. I told her CBT isn't taking to me and she said that not everyone takes to it, but she never really explained her "plan" with me and it upsets me.

Seems like she just doesn't know what to do with me and I feel we are all over the map and not on any specific road....

I told her I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing or working on etc....didn't really get a clear sense still of what to be doing/expecting. All of your Ts seem to be taking the upper hand and "knowing" what to do with you whereas all mine says is "i get stuck with you". "If you can't find self worth than I can't help you". Arghhhhh! I am seeking any shred of worth I can find and I can't yet see it so am I un-helpable?????

My next duty is to make a list of what I want to accomplish out of therapy. Duh this seems like something I should've done and nobody (but u guys here) have suggested it, not even my T! She just so lighthearted I don't think she can handle my dark. If she doesn't figure it out after I give her a list then I'm going to stop talk therapy. 2 years and I am questionsing her.....how much is me and how much is her?

Alex, still dunno if I'm gonna call pdoc yet as I'm trying to wrangle the root of this recent little depressive blip before i know if I need to up my dose. If it lasts then yes, I will call.

Sorry guys, totally just upset about this! I am just at a loss.

(((((((((Pinksoil)))))))))))
(((((((Sunrise)))))))
(((((((((Alex))))))))))

Thanks and sorry I'm so effing weird.