Bronzeowl: Thank you so much for your story!
Thank you for clearing up her notes - that actually made me feel more calm about it too. I don't know why I didn't think about it that way.. instead I just looked at it as in a personal attack from her side. I also remember thinking she seemed to want to hurry from one question to the next and didn't seem very interested in my explanations, so I guess I'm a bit colored by that. I pick up a lot on people's signals and if I feel they're not interested, especially if I am talking about really personal stuff, I can clam right up and feel like just leaving and avoiding them. Like it's a lost cause talking to them or something. Complete exaggeration though, I know!
Anyway, I really understand your experience though. I read that axis I are like 'diseases' that are curable, whereas you say that axis II disorders are more like an immune deficit disorder or something, which makes you more prone to get the axis I 'diseases'. I can imagine that's not good news if you were hoping that it wasn't too bad and that you could go to a psychiatrist, get help and get 'fixed'. I guess what I feel is different.. I feel I have tried so much.. and so hard and I just know I can't change. Kinda like thinking you can cure your allergy with medicine, but really you're intolerant and you suffer from a more chronic state that no medicine can fix. Bad analogy maybe. Anyway, I don't want that to be misunderstood though. I HAVE changed, a lot. I just feel there's a limit though. On some points I know I can push harder still, but on others I know I've reached my limit - and if it was 'just' a "disease", just a fear, I would have overcome it more by now, I'd be closer to goal. I have had to give up so many times where I REALLY drove myself hard. I don't know if that makes sense? I need the confirmation that there's a legit reason to why I can't succeed at this, that there's something else stopping me. I'm scared though that the doctors and psychiatrists will assume a diagnosis will make me sad and withhold it, whereas instead I feel it would answer all of my questions. Thank you for writing to me though, it really meant a great deal =).

Onward2wards: I agree, the two definitely overlap.. I guess the delineation exists where exposure therapy can't suffice. I mean, you can keep doing something over and over and you can get used to it, but what if you're just getting used to putting yourself through a state of anxiety and all you really do is trying to learn how to tolerate that constant anxiety? And the real problem exists inside yourself, not just in the amygdale. I don't know if it makes any sense.
I am not entirely sure I understand "schema theory". But the 'self-defeating behavior' rings a bell in terms of borderline, like you're trying to protect yourself against a fear, but instead you actually end up making matters worse. But those feelings are almost automatically triggered. Is a 'schema' the learned fear or the mix of a learned fear and the negative assumptions?

Thank you guys for replying, though. I actually feel like I'm not even being judged, but understood, and that feels supporting. You are actually saying things that make sense! And which are clearing up misunderstandings. You've made my day.