Hi...a MAJOR thing that caught my eye in your post was that you are with a man that does not love you.
Please, please, please consider leaving this relationship. From personal experience, its soooo easy to suddenly become stuck with no way out. Its harder to get out when you are depressed, trust me. Staying with someone who clearly does not love you will end up destroying you and everything and everyone around you.
You are WORTH being loved in this world! Please don't settle for anything less.
Hugs