Hi hamsterB. I was about 3 when he was diagnosed with leukemia. He died 4 yrs later at age 11, so I was about 7. My earliest memories are of death and neglect ( obviously my parents were occupied). Then the next year we moved to Germany where a babysitter molested me on one occasion. I completely blacked out all memory of my brother, but I can remember trying to hide my feelings. I cried in private like in my closet. I was trying to take the weight of the family dysfunction. My Aunt said I was 3 going on 30. On the xmas after he died my Mom bought a tree and I wouldn't let her put on any decorations so we had a stupid blank tree. Today I struggle with survivors guilt and horrible ptsd. We all had spinal taps ( I had 2) and I wasn't a bone marrow match. I also feel like they lost the "good" child. **** all my life was spent in addiction.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk