I've only ditched my meds once so I cant relate exactly. My support network has always been a huge "help" every time I have wanted to go off meds. I will mention it to someone and get the lecture and be reminded to do all the research into what happens when bipolar people go off meds. And for those that know about it, I am reminded of my 6 month hypomania which turned in to the worst mixed episode I could ever imagine. That scares me straight into staying on my meds.

At the end of last year I tried to lower the dose to increase motivation, Im not sure how much that impacted on my latest depression and now to be functioning I need far more than I used to (almost double the dose of AP now). I have also been told (although unsure how true it is) that antidepressants are less effective each time you go off them and restart them. I was worried that it would happen to me and eventually none would work, so again that scared me into staying on meds.

Eventually I do hope to be med free, but its quite obvious I am not at that stage yet, and wont be for a couple more years.