Sounds to me like when you were growing up you didn't get the attention & the validation that you needed to give your self your self-worth.

It's like the kids in school who think that bad attention is better than no attention at all.

We all have the need for attention & validation......& you are still struggling for it. They haven't earned kindness & sympathy....they have earned the attention that you are craving to get & can't seem to get it in any other positive way so you have latched onto the ED as the way to get the needed attention that you are so desperate for..

Don't know if you have a T.....but it might do you good to get involved with therapy that provides DBT.....it can teach you the skills that you are lacking & grow in ways so that you can learn to self-validate yourself without looking for your validation from others until you can get to the point where you can recognize positive validation that is probably out there but you are just not aware of it or open to it at this point in time.