I have severe abandonment/separation anxiety issues, especially when my T is out of town. My last appt before she leaves is filled with me being on the verge of complete hysteria; then she comes home and I feel like I cannot trust her I don't know what the h*** is up with that, but it is really frustrating.
Good for you on trying to see the person as a person and not bad or good. My thinking is almost totally All-or-Nothing, so sometimes that is hard for me to do. Try to stop the binge drinking, if you haven't already. It will not make things any better. When you go out with your friends try ordering a club soda or something that feels "drinkish" to you; just because they are drinking themselves drunk doesn't mean that you have to.
I hope you are doing well.